15 years today.

I took the journey from a lost teenager to a woman – without you.

I never got to see how you would have reacted to my first crush, my heartbreaks, my first love, my boyfriend, my husband, my anger, my dissent, my low confidence, my confusion, my fight, my living away, my struggle, my determination, my success.

I have often sat in the corner of my room  and imagined your reactions – your anger, your happiness, your love, your long lectures, your pep talks, your belief in me, your sky high confidence in me.

Confidence – the one that you always had in me, the one that you gave me, that crazy faith, that unabashed defiance you taught me – that I confess I lost this day 15 years ago. I manage to salvage some of it time and again, but for the last 15 years I’ve searched for the old one and it is lost for good – it went with you.

Don’t get me wrong – mumma has been wonderful but she has missed you too in this topsy-turvy journey of mine.

Papa, you have been missed – every single day, every single hour, every single minute in the last 15 years. The memories have not faded, they have only got stronger – for they are all that I’m left with and I can never let go of them.