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Jul
21

Dear Parents of Sons

I hope you take 5 minutes out of your busy lives and read this brilliant post by Himali. This is not a sympathy seeking plea – it is an honest, forthright, rational, witty and intellectual post.

The Matrimonial Meetings – Dos and Donts

It is my earnest request to all you mothers of sons out there to stand up and give one tight slap to your sons if they dare to ask the questions to the girl they are meeting as their prospective bride that these idiots have dared to ask Himali.

Actually not dared, these guys aren’t even brave – they are fine examples of cowards , examples of poor parenting, and more than anything absolute scums of this earth. I say poor parenting because despite being well educated, living in multi-cultural environments, born in an era where seeing an independent, well-qualified , confident woman should not be a surprise for them, they still manage to ask questions that would have been a norm in the last century.

I blame the upbringing – surely their fathers don’t treat their mothers as equals – see them as a means to rear children and cook. What else explains guys stating that the girl should match his mom’s cooking or that his mom expects a child in the first year of marriage on what is a first meeting with his prospective bride – she who has not even given her consent for the marriage.

Virginity – man how important it is for men – they will sleep around with a thousand women but the woman they wed must be untouched and pure – raised eyebrows and offended if we women ask in return if they are virgins too! These men disgust me. And as Himali puts it aptly –”If you think that the topic of virginity is of utmost importance, be prepared to discuss yours too”

Dear parents teach your sons to respect women, to respect their independence, their job and their views. They are not tools or decorative items to be brought home. Need a cook – hire one. Marriage is not about the looks – that attraction fades away and what you need is a companion, a friend, a person to confide in and talk to – a person you can trust your life with. Learn to judge the person within.

And most importantly dear sons – before you start judging the girl on basis of how fair  or dark she is, what is her job, how much does she earn, is she shy or bold, is she a virgin or not, has she had past relationships or not – take a step back, go back to your room, look into the mirror and see if you pass the tests you are about to put her through – if not learn to shut up .

Realise that it is respect that is the foundation of any relationship – love and all that jazz  means nothing if there is no respect !

2 comments

  1. Ashutosh Garud says:

    You just don’t know the lady you meeting for first time. How can one ask such questions in the first meet? Have heard a lot of weird stuff about matrimonial meets from both the genders. To be fair, I don’t think most guys will be doing this (or should I say I hope).

    1. Minal says:

      Ashutosh,
      We live in hope but my sister engineer-MBA, my best friend – Dentist in USA and my cousin whom I just mentioned have gone through the arranged marriage trial and the most educated guys with highly educated families have landed up asking the most insulting questions – it is unbelievable! And this is across generations – we thought things would change with our generation but zilch improvement. Guys till believe they are God’s gift to mankind and so do their parents especially mothers which really irks me even more. It is a sad sad situation but I do hope someday the tide will turn.

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