Month: May 2011

The Other Kind of “Feminist” ?

There are tons of women folk in the blogger world who write about feminist issues – highly thought provoking ones too. Lots of causes are taken up and written about and wonderfully researched. I admire their patience and level of depths researched on the subjects they post.

I do read some of them and find them interesting. I follow this lovely lady blogger – she blogs on lots of issues and sensitive ones, some which are very close to my heart. I don’t know her much other than her posts and having shared a few interactions with her.

What happened in the last few days has left me surprised. I leave it for you folks to judge the whole issue – it is the first I’ve faced in my online life.  I was contemplating if I should  share this episode but then I felt I should. If I don’t speak my mind on my space then where?

Here is a post on Starry’s blog where she shared her anger or frustration at this video clip of Nadal-Steffi marriage proposals doing the rounds. Now some idiot titled it “Big difference between men and women”. I had seen Steffi’s bit on a stand-alone basis and thought she was extremely witty. Even when I saw this jointly I did not feel offended ( I would realise later what blasphemy I had committed towards womankind;-) ). I thought that in similar situations the woman showed much more wit while the man was left speechless. Now some women found it sexist , offensive that the clip shows that women marry for money. On Starry’s post – of those 50 comments, I was probably the only one to to have a contrasting  opinion that this clipping was no big deal and we women need to learn to take a joke.

In her next post she took bits and pieces from my comments and put forth her views.

My comment:

Aren’t there more important issues to be feminist about:-) some jokes we can let go:-). Do men take jokes well – guess am surrounded by the wrong men cause we take digs at them all time on ‘men traits’ and they take it well and we enjoy the banter 🙂 Not to say there aren’t those types that you point out 🙂

Her views:

“Do you feel there are less or more important feminist issues? If a man takes a dig at a woman through a joke, is it less important than ‘eve-teasing’ (better known as sexual harrassment)? Or what can we consider more important? Rape? Dowry? Female infanticide?”

Is it the same? Sexist Joke and eve-teasing, rape, dowry, female infanticide? Are we not belittling those crimes by comparing them to something as petty as a sexist joke.  By this logic there should be no jokes in this world – the Sardarji jokes, the South Indian-North Indian jokes, the Ghati jokes – If you have laughed over them, are you are being a rascist? If you joke about celebrities and politicians – are you being judgemental towards people? If you enjoy those marriage jokes – are you being sexist again? So where do we draw a line?

We need to laugh, to take a few things lightly, men-women banter is one of them. Was this clip that offensive? What if it was reversed – what if Nadal had said what Steffi did? Would I see an outrage from the men-folk? But maybe it would have again resulted in an outrage from women saying it implies “dowry”.

If you read my comments on the first post from where it all began – I just tried to lighten up the issue where I saw so many women all riled up against this bit. No where did I get personal or offensive or deride anyone’s views.

And here is a second thought,  in all probability if a guy did put this clip together, he probably wanted to see women outrage; which they did and he had his share of fun. Now sit back and think for a moment – if you had laughed over it and ignored it – the guy would be probably fretting for not getting the reaction he wanted. Go figure who has had the last laugh now.

Further Starry brought up the topic of discrimination against women drivers and I said sadly I have seen more bad women drivers than men – my experience, my opinion. I did not say this on behalf of the whole world. (Btw I got my license first, I drive a SUV and I drive very well. I land up driving most times, I’m the official driver when my girl gang takes off  and when going out with MDH, he sits in the passenger seat most times. So now do I qualify for the “feminist” category? Would my opinion count now ? ) This led to her post on “Are women bad drivers”. Writing a post is fine,  it is one’s blog – where one opines. Singling out bits and pieces of my one-off comments without knowing the person I’m was a bit uncalled for. We did settle it offline and she does tell me it is not personal.  I’m taking her word but I did feel the need to post my views.

I do not share or agree with all “feminist” opinions – but I do feel for a lot of women issues strongly. What kind of feminist does that make me or am I feminist at all if I don’t share the “common” views?

Until my next post you give it a thought and let me know what you think of this whole episode? Was it worth all this debate after all?

Happy Mother’s Day To….


For being the most simple, caring, loving lady I’ve met. Her love is unconditional – to one and all. She believes in giving – No matter what. We have our disagreements – it is natural of our relation, but when I see other MILs, I slip in a quiet “thank you” to God for making her MDH’s mom. I am envious cause she dotes on him, adores him and loves him like I’ve seen no mother love their child; and I simply love pulling her and MDH’s leg over this. MDH has her nature, her attitude to life, her undying belief that all people are good at heart no matter how badly they might have hurt you.

Dear Aai, here’s wishing you a very Happy Mother’s Day – I hope more moms and MILs take a lesson or two from you:-)

My BFF’s mom

S and I have been  friends since we were 3, she is my “Rock of Gibraltar”. For all the wonderful things her friendship has blessed me with – her mom is the best of the lot. I’ve never been one of S’s friends to her – I’ve always been her 3rd daughter after S and her little sis “K”. That’s how aunty’s family knows me, that’s how everyone who knows S, knows me – as her mum’s 3rd daughter! I’ve never seen her shout, never seen her lose her cool, never seen her raise her voice – patient, calm, funny , intelligent, charming. The fact that she has raised 2 crazy gals so well and made them into such lovely ladies is proof enough of what a wonderful mom she has been. When she is around I don’t miss my mom.

For being such a lovely mother – Dear Aunty – I wish you a fantastic Mother’s Day.

My Dearest Aai

My Didu’s mom – My Mami? No, she is My Aai – always has been – always will be. The little 3 year old me who would run to you after fighting with mumma and papa. The one who made me amazing snacks. The one who taught me to be “bindhaast”. The one who introduced me to my favourite city –Pune and all those lovely folks there. The one who gave me my most amazing childhood memories in my holiday trips to her home in Ahmednagar and getting pampered by her Aai. The one who lectures me to no end on how to behave but is also the one who listens to all my cribbings patiently. The one whose love has no bounds.

Dear Aai, wish you a lovely Mother’s Day – Hope your latest little bundle of joy – your first grand-daughter is making this day even more special for you.

My Mumma

It is not easy to raise a hyper-active, rebellious girl all on your own – especially when she is starting off in college. We have argued, we have fought and we have even wanted a divorce from being mother-daughter. But 14 years since Papa passed away and I can only look back and say “Thank You” – cause I will never be able to repay you in this lifetime or even if I take multiple births as your child.

I envy you – for you have not just been my mom; you have been a mom to all your nieces and nephews, to your daughters-in-law, to your granddaughters – they make better children to you than I’ve ever been.

I’ve not seen any person in my family loved and respected as much as you have been – by your great-grandmother ( from the stories your mom, uncles and siblings told me), by your parents, by your husband, by your uncles and aunts, by your siblings and cousins, by your nieces and nephews, by your sisters-in-law, by your MIL, by your in-laws, by your daughters-in-law, by your grand-daughters and now by your son-in-law. Mumma, I envy you! How do you find so much love to shower on everyone equally, to not spoil your only child and keep her grounded. I wish I can be 10% of the mother you have been to me – my child will be blessed.

Your gorgeous smile lightens up my day – everyday and I miss being away from you but I’m glad this Mother’s Day you are with me here in Dubai.

For someone who has her birthday on Christmas Day, it is but natural to have a heart so full of love! My dearest mumma, wish you a lovely Mother’s Day!

To the 4 lovely moms I’ve known – I don’t tell you all how much you all mean to me and what lovely examples of motherhood I’ve in front of me. So today I take that one minute out and wish you all this Mother’s Day; you are the reasons why I would love to be a mother one day!

P.S: I’m not a huge fan of these days but I’m also a person who cannot express herself easily to the people she loves and adores so much. So maybe I see something positive in celebrating these days cause they are meant for folks like me – who can quietly slip in their thoughts on the blog without getting too awkward in front of the folks whom they want to tell what they mean but are just not able to!

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