Catching up with school friends and college friends always brings backs tons of memories – the good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing – and so many times after endless conversations I often go back thinking I wish I had done things differently. I wish I had not said all the things I said back then, I wish I had not held myself back, I wish I had let go, I wish I had expressed my feelings more often, I wish I had been more honest and forthcoming. I wish I had more clarity in my thought and my actions. I wish I wasn’t as confused as I was then. It amazes me that my friendships have lasted a lifetime – I must have done something right.
Over the years I have grown tremendously as a person – my thought process, my approach and attitude to life. I’ve learnt to balance my emotions and I know I have matured with my experiences – the good and the bad. I have become eerily rational and a lot more open minded. I have learnt (albeit after falling flat on my face tons of time) to not get affected by the way people change or behave. I take pride in the way I handle my emotions especially when it comes to tough situations – I have rarely panicked. I know I have changed as a person – I’m still my old cheerful self but I’m not the person I was when I was in school or college. Even in appearance – I’m not the geeky, tomboy, skinny lass I was – I pay a lot more heed to how I look and what I wear. I feel great when I look at myself today and it gives me the added confidence. It feels wonderful when friends and colleagues at work compliment me on my dressing style, eye-makeup and accessories. My mom has always had an amazing sense of style, she has a wonderful eye for everything – be it her lovely collection of saris (which everyone in my family will die for to own), her accessories, her household items – she is the epitome of simplicity and elegance. Until I got married and even few years after that I was a complete antithesis to my mom in this department but today I realize I’ve had that gene of hers hidden in me which is now taking shape. I never thought I would develop an eye for home decor but I did (mom’s hidden gene sprung up once I had to do up the home from scratch). Today I can proudly say that I have done up my little abode beautifully and visitors to my home do tell me so.
So when my friends and family whom I meet after ages tell me I haven’t changed at all – I’m at a loss to react – I don’t know what to make of it. In one way I’m happy because they are telling me that they took to me for the person I was then and am still the same; but then I also feel a little disheartened because I’m happy I have changed and that the folks who would actually notice the difference simply don’t. I have changed for the better and I sometimes wish they would notice it and tell me so.
Anyone of you ever been through a similar dilemma?
Actually when you meet your core frds. you r comfortable and behave carefree without much thought. So despite all changes you r the same in front of them.
I hope I have changed for the other world. It doesn’t deserve the real me.
True friends, especially those from school that you practically grew up with will seldom notice the change in appearance. Even if they notice, they wont praise.. that’s the thing.
They still remember all the times when you slipped in the corridors or had crush on a weird guy or your Saree unraveled in front of the class etc.. that was the life then – carefree and mostly innocent. No matter what post you hold at your job or how impeccably you dress, for them you are still that same person.
For me its not dilemma. Its just a sign of how well these little B’s ( 😉 ) know me. 6 years ago, I got my hair straightened so that combing them once in the morning would be enough and i dont have to look at them again for the rest of the day. I have been posting pics on FB but when I met these friends of mine (just 3 of them) on my last visit to India, they clicked their tongues and said ‘they couldnt believe i was such a lazy bum as to get my hair straightened’.
Only 3 people in the entire world other than my folks who could guess the real reason.. 🙂 off course, i was like.. isnt this good? why cant you praise how long they have grown and so shiny.. cares who! 🙂
Take it as a good gift from life to have such friends that can see through you so well for these are the only people you can still be goofy with 🙂
Hahaha well said – yes I’ve a few of those who know me in and out – I can voice my insecurities to them without the fear of them taking advantage of it. I do agree I feel blessed to have these girls and guys around me 🙂