I came across this on FB – I had to share it on the blog cause I believe this is very much possible in real life. I’m not a mom yet but if I were to become one someday – this is a possibility with me; and all you righteous moms who are judging me now cause I’m agreeing to this – you know you are lying cause you know this is a possibility with you too 🙂
Category: Humor Tales Page 1 of 2
I’m one of those people who falls in the “never will win any freebies ever” category. When FM first hit Mumbai and held contests to meet Bollywood stars or cricketing sportstars or any damn freebie – I never won! I knew the answers but my sms never won me anything ever! Hell I never even got through the phone line to dedicate a number!
So when you know you have such an awesome record, you still decide to try but without any expectations and Viola! You are on air! Not only do you win tickets to a movie but also get an added bonus to meet the leading actors of the movie.
There is a slight problem though– you are not a huge fan of either , in fact you can’t stand one of them! But not everyone gets the opportunity to meet the biggest stars in Bollywood, so you decide to go and check out what the big deal is all about. You take time off work and your boss is kind enough to let you go for 3 hours and you head to the hotel to meet the biggest stars of Bollywood.
You have a blast with the RJs from the radio station and realise an endless wait is in the offing. Your husband who has a great experience with stars and events tells you that the wait is inevitable. After a group snap with the RJs you head quietly to your seat while the rest of the winners are busy getting photographed with all the RJs. One of the winners wonders what is wrong with you cause you don’t seem to want any snaps! You wonder if there is something wrong with you since you don’t seem to be in awe of the entire drama going around you.
After an hour you are taken upstairs to the lounge and are told that the stars will be late as the flight got delayed. In the next hour you realise that you are sitting among celebrities themselves – a woman who has met every star in Bollywood making you wonder why is she not a celebrity herself, a bloke who enters radio contests only if they excite him and when he enters he always wins, another woman who can’t seem to get over the leading lady and is shocked that you seem to hate her,another one who supposedly is not in awe of the stars but has yet got her 3 year old with her to meet them, and most are decked up to the extent that they might just outdo the stars! You by the way have landed there alone while the rest of the winners have atleast 3 people for company!
Sigh! Who needs celebrities when you have such these people around – it makes you realise you have such a dull, boring life – and after meeting them you are pretty much thankful for it!
Another hour passes by and the hosts are kind enough to offer you coffee and drinks. The radio channel people begin to get a bit embarrassed with the wait but they still keep you entertained. What a fun bunch of people from City101.6 FM here in Dubai.
Well 3 hours pass by and still no signs of the stars. Apparently the lady wanted to get ready for the entire day and was having a bath (For 2 hours we heard the same excuse, who takes 2 hours for a bath, or atleast give a better excuse!) and the gentleman preferred to come with her!
So you decide that you’ve been stupid to waste 3 hours, and that work, Diwali & Premiere are your priority later in the day and head off. It’s amazing how sweet the radio channel folks are to you– apologising profusely for the missed opportunity, and wondering if you can get back in couple of hours when the stars will actually come down. You turn down politely and before leaving, end up having a blast with all RJs , and getting a snap clicked with the cutest guy among the bunch.
As you are heading off – the head of the channel tells you that you resemble Mandira Bedi. You let out a shriek expressing your resentment and explain reasons for your hatred – a woman who knows zilch about cricket doing cricket shows! But the head says she is so hot and then you realise you should’ve just shut your trap and accepted the compliment;-)
You head off to work not seeming to miss anything, leaving the other winners shocked that you did not wait to meet Aishwarya Rai and Akshay Kumar who were here in Dubai for the Action Replayy Premiere Show.
You knew the wait wasn’t worth it and it would be more fun catching the movie later in the evening! You also realize that this is as far as luck can go with you.
Well thank god atleast the premiere took place and you actually got to utilise 50% of the first freebie you won!
P.S: The stars arrived 5 and 1/2 hrs late and yes apart from 3 of us the rest 12 did wait and meet them! Sigh – people have all the time and patience in the world and I cannot understand why we treat the Bollywood stars as some celestial beings!
So you change your name from the maiden name to the married name. You go ahead submit the necessary documents to the bank. You make a personal visit to the bank to verify everything so as to ensure there are no hiccups.
But then you see that the name has been amended on the account but not on the e-statement of the current account. The name has been amended on the credit card statement but not on the credit card itself.
So knowing things take time and maybe system updates could be the reason, you wait to see the changes. A month, two and more pass by, but nothing changes.
You pick up the phone and call the call-centre expecting a quick-fix but all that you get to hear is: “Madam you need to visit the branch personally with all your documents”. So much for phone and internet banking and efficient systems! Systems which show the name on account has changed but refuse to get it amended on the statement cause there is a separate team who handles the statements.
So the sarcastic devil within is dying to get out but you are aware these calls are recorded and put up a polite front.
And as if this misery was not enough, when the credit card is up for renewal and it is delivered to you a month and half in advance – you get it with your old name on it.
So knowing well the futility of the whole exercise, you get yourself to dial the call-centre for help. You check with them as to why was your name not updated on the card when it was done on the statement.
And you get a reply: Madam we decide what name to fit in cause your new name is too long!!
I’ve joined Kathak classes in Dubai again after a gap of 10 years. So far have thoroughly enjoyed the experience – even had a stage performance! I have a lovely set of friends there and it is a good break from the daily routine.
We were practising today and at the end of the class were casually chatting. I happened to mention about the Reiki course MDH and I are planning to attend this weekend.
The 5 year old daughter of my friend who was listening to us walked up to me and asked ‘ Aunty what is Reiki?’. I told her it is a Japanese art which teaches spiritual healing – yeah I realised it was too heavy for a 5 year old , so I said it’s an art of living.
The young one looked at me and asked ‘Oh so do they make you do ‘Art and Craft’ there? My friends were in splits while I did not know what to say!
I seriously am at a loss in tackling today’s kids. So much help will be needed when I have one of my own!
I’m back from my hectic trip to Mumbai (which explains the blog break). I used to meet little ‘C’ almost everyday when we were neighbours; now it’s almost once a week thing. C was on her vacation as well and I was going to meet her after more than a month!
MDH and I had picked up a “Amar Chitra Katha” book for her (She enjoys books thanks to her parents)
She had a cooking session in her school where they were given the recipe for ‘Cup-A-Corn’. So the day we visited her, she ensured her mother cooked the Cup-A-Corn.
C (only 4 yrs old) has her unique dishes such as tea with ginger-garlic, special lemonade and her latest craze of Glucon-D. So I keep asking her for her special recipes and she obliges immediately. Hot corn is my favourite snack and I know that she enjoys a little bit of attention, so I asked her if she would give me her recipe for the “Cup-A-Corn”
C made a serious face and promptly said, “But Minal Mavshi (That’s what you call your mom’s sister in Marathi ) it is only in English , I don’t have any other!
MDH almost spilled his tea and I had a dumb-stricken look on my face. Seconds later we burst out laughing. Hell, I’ve no idea why C would think I don’t understand English !!! I think it’s time to direct her to my blog and articles!
I can be really forgetful about the important items like mobile, wallet, car park access card , car keys, my office i-card and even my office laptop. Add to it I’ve butter fingers so clumsy is my middle name.
MDH is constantly on the lookout if I’ll topple something or break something or forget something. I dread to look at him if I commit any of the above crimes.
My closest friend in office N says she can’t believe her luck that she had to meet me who is an exact replica of her husband in terms of nature & habits.
I press the panic button the moment I can’t see my important items in their regular places. I have not lost them cause the mobile has slipped under the keyboard, the card is in some other pocket in the purse, the wallet is probably in my office drawer and the keys are buried under the pile of papers on my table. But since I cannot see them when I need them, I get extremely hyper. Earlier MDH and N would get worried but now they do not even react, cause they know I’ll find it later.
Well, last week the entire team decided to go out for a quick lunch. I did not want to take my handbag hence dumped my mobile, wallet and i-card with N. I must’ve confirmed and re-confirmed with her thrice till we reached the place. While we were getting out of the car I realised one of my footwear had gone missing in the car and started looking for it frantically. I asked N if she had seen it and she promptly replied,
” No, Sadly I did not keep that in my Bag”
Yeah, my sarcasm is rubbing on her fast!
Here is one:
My little nephew T, all of 4 years, was waiting for an invitation to his neigbour’s daughter’s birthday party. The little girl walked up to him and said,’T tomorrow is my birthday party and you are selected for it!’
Her parents , T’s parents and we two were stunned and burst into laughter.
Yes kids surely say the darnest things!
One in the morning: Virar-Churchgate and two in the evening: Churchgate-Borivali and Churchgate–Virar.
Yesterday, due to some hold up the trains were delayed by half hour and needless to say, it added up to enough confusion, chaos and rush at all stations. I was waiting for my husband at the Borivali station at 7.30 p.m. and I heard an announcement; an announcement that has been never heard before on any railway station in Mumbai. To make sure my ears were correct in hearing what they did, I removed my ear phones and listened carefully again.
The railway announcer had just announced the introduction of a ‘special’ train. Before the 7.19 p.m. Ladies’s Special to Virar at Borivali, there is another slow train to Virar at 7.15 p.m. So the announcer made the announcement as follows: ‘The Ladies special is expected at Borivali in ten minutes. Before that there will be a ‘Gents’ Slow Local’ to Virar.’ No, not the regular local but a Gents’ Local. He made this announcement not once, twice, but 4 times!
I just could not stop grinning:-) Later he might have realised his slip of tongue; but to all those men who crib about females getting special treatment; here were your two minutes of being treated as special as well!
It is one of the lifelines of Mumbai. The B.E.S.T. network is highly efficient and connects almost all the remote places in Mumbai. If you have lived in Worli or any South Mumbai places that are disconnected from the local train network, all 25 years of your life, only then can you fight for the case of B.E.S.T. buses vis-à-vis Mumbai’s other lifeline: the Local Trains.
Apart from the highly positive aspects, there are a few things that still irk me when I’m traveling on the road. So I thought I’d list a few of the inherent birth rights our dear BEST Conductors and Drivers tend to exercise:
The Right to own the road
The Right to cut the lanes as per their whims and fancies
The Right to drive in the middle of a narrow road with 2 lanes so that the vehicles behind can never overtake them and clog up traffic behind
The Right to give the auto-rickshaw guys a fright every time they come near the bus
The Right to necessarily overtake you from the right side
The Right to tell you that if you have a crash with them it is but obviously your fault
The Right to bully smaller vehicle owners
The Right to drive fast and screech during the night time
The Right to get the bus started before the last person has alighted from the bus
The Right to have no change whenever the passenger asks for one
The Right to curse the passengers for keeping no change with them
The Right to ignore passengers who do not render exact change
The Right to halt the bus either before or ahead of the bus-stop
The Right to decide not to halt the bus at a bus–stop whether the bus is crowded or not
The Right to dissuade the passengers from getting into the bus by telling them that another bus is coming from behind (90% of the times that bus is also equally crowded)
The Right to strike the bell just in time so that a passenger who has been running like mad to catch the bus, misses it; knowing well that there won’t be the same number bus coming for another half hour
The Right to fling away the ticket holding metal box such that it hits the passenger on the seat to which the conductor is leaning onto
The Right to drive as slow as possible during peak hours
The Right to pay no heed to passenger complaints
Got any more?
P.S: Most of the times my experience has been good, but these are a few things you tend to come across once in a day 🙂